


It's Not London

by catsandladyluck



Series: Domestic Drabbles [6]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Baz Pitch - Freeform, Baz is weak against Simon's kisses, Beware the slight angst, Domestic Drabbles, Fangirl, M/M, Part 6, Simon Snow - Freeform, SnowBaz, carry on, rainbow rowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10037144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsandladyluck/pseuds/catsandladyluck
Summary: But now, Baz is standing in front of me, in the doorway of my bedroom, looking like he might cry at any moment, and I immediately decide to break my rule.





	1. It's Not London

**Author's Note:**

> Presenting part 6 of my Domestic Drabbles series :D

 

_Simon_

 

Baz has been having a string of bad days lately. When he comes over, he’s grumpy and frustrated, and we always end up arguing over pointless things before he leaves for the night. We’re both so fiery and stubborn that neither of us can back down. Sometimes these fights are so intense that I’m so sure he wouldn’t even bother coming over the next day. But he always does. Everyday.

Most of the time, we don’t talk about it. The arguments or Baz’s bad day. It’s not that we avoid the conversation; it’s just that I rarely ask and he rarely offers. I’ve never been great with words, so I made a rule for myself to not force others to talk if they don’t want to. And Baz tends to avoid talking about most of his feelings, like he always has, so the conversation never happens. Penny says that this isn’t healthy, but when has mine and Baz’s relationship ever been an example of perfection?

But now, Baz is standing in front of me, in the doorway of my bedroom, looking like he might cry at any moment, and I immediately decide to break my rule.

“Baz.” I gently touch his hand that’s gripping the doorknob. “What- what’s wrong?” He’s so delicate like this, so fragile, like if touched him any more, he would break.

He shifts his gaze around my face, like he’s unsure, or thinking. Then he furrows his brow and touches my shoulder, then gently pushes me aside.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Snow,” he says. He walks over to my bed and just plops down on it, stomach first and dead-weight. _Literally dead-weight,_ my mind adds. And then I frown.

“Baz,” I say. He just sighs into the sheets, then grabs a pillow and places it over his head.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

I frown at him again. At this point, I would just go to the kitchen for snacks and let Baz fume through what was bothering him. But with that look on his face, I’m suddenly determined to get him to tell me.

“ _Baz,”_ I say again, and he groans. He then grabs the entire blanket from the end of the bed and pulls it on top of him.

“No, Snow.”

I walk over to his legs that are sticking off the bed, and I touch his ankle gently.

“Tell me,” I say. It wasn’t a demand; more of a subtle plea.

He lets out a muffled huff. “No, Snow,” he says again.

I crawl onto the bed and sit beside him. “Please tell me,” I say, laying my hand on his back.

“No.” He pulls the edges of the blanket closer to him. “Can’t you leave me alone?”

“Nope,” I say, grabbing the edges of the blanket near his face. I try to yank them away, but Baz’s death-grip is unmatched. _His literal death-grip,_ my mind adds. And I frown again. I can’t seem to turn off the vampire jokes today.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Baz says, tucking the blanket it under him. “Let me hide here in peace.”

“I want you to talk about it, Baz,” I say. I roll on top of him and sit on his back, pinning the back of his legs down with my feet. “I’m not going to let you hide.” I grab the blanket in front of his face and pull it upward.

“Ugh, Snow. Get off,” he says, trying to hold the blanket down. He moves around slightly, trying to shake me off, but I have the upperhand. Literally.

I manage to pull the blanket out of one of Baz’s hands, and I peel it back off part of his face. He immediately turns his head over and hides his face in the other hand.

“Leave me alone,” he says, but it’s less upset sounding and more grumpy.

“I will leave you alone if you tell me,” I say, tugging at the blanket in his other hand.

“No.”

I start to frown, but my lip suddenly curls upward into a smirk. I push Baz’s hair away from his temple, lean down, and kiss him gently there. And then again. And again.

“Please tell me,” I say, curling my fingers into his hair.

He just buries his face even more into his blanketed hand.

“Baz,” I mumble against his temple.

“No, Snow.”

I kiss his temple again, then start pushing the blanket away from his face. He tries to fight me, holding onto the blanket as much as possible, but I keep managing to push it further and further away. I kiss each area of his face as I uncover it. I kiss the top of his cheekbone, and then his cheek, and his jaw, and then his nose. He has his eyes scrunched closed, so I kiss his eyelids, and then his forehead. I linger back along his temple, then kiss his ear.

“Baz,” I whisper into it.

He groans. “Fine,” he says, opening his eyes and letting go of the blanket. “I’ll tell you.”

I smile at him and lean up. As I begin to relax, Baz pushes my shoulder and tries to roll, pushing me off in the process. He almost succeeds in escaping, but as he rolls over, I pin one of his arms down so he can’t get up and roll back on top of him.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me,” I say. He tries to push at me with his free arm, but I pin that down as well. I’m inches away from his face now, and he’s glaring at me, his pupils enlarging, so I glare back.

We hold our glares at each other for a moment before he huffs in defeat. “Fine, Snow, fine. Just let go of my arms.”

“I will give you one arm,” I say.

He grins at this, and I feel my whole body relax. I didn’t even realize how tense I had been until now.

“Fine,” he says, still grinning. “One arm.”

I let go of his left arm, and he immediately places his hand on my leg, stroking his thumb along it. His grin suddenly disappears though, and I feel myself tense up again.

“My father,” he says, and his eyes shift away from me. “He’s never approved of my choice in Universities. London has never been prestigious enough for him. He wants me to go to Oxford.”

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Oxford? What’s wrong with that?”

His gaze falls back on me. “It’s not London, Snow.”

“I don’t understand, Baz,” I say, and I truly don’t. Oxford is prestigious. Baz is prestigious. It makes sense for him to go there.

Baz wiggles his arm that I’ve pinned down, and I let it go, leaning up in the process. He immediately grabs my hand and squeezes it. His eyes lock with mine, and they’re filled with so much sadness that my chest starts to hurt.

“It’s not _London_ , Simon.”


	2. Tapioca Pudding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I was going to wait a couple days to write this. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT. Angst makes me SO sad.  
> So please enjoy part 2 (:

_Simon_

 

Oh. _Oh._

I roll off of Baz, but I don’t let go of his hand. He sits up and hangs his legs off the bed, so I do the same.

“You don’t have to go to Oxford, do you?” I ask. “You’ve already been here for over a semester.”

Baz stares down at his empty hand. “He says I have to transfer after this semester is over. Or he will refuse to pay for my school.”

I squeeze his hand harder. “Baz.”

“I’ll drop out,” he says, clenching his empty hand into a fist.

“No. You can’t.”

“I can, Snow. And I will.”

I let go of his hand and run my fingers along his shoulder. He shivers slightly and looks at me. His eyes are heavy, and the grey reminds me of storm clouds right before the rain.

“I don’t want to be the reason for you not finishing school,” I say, and I feel my eyes becoming equally heavy.

He furrows his brow and frowns at me, then stands up. He walks to the middle of the room and stares up at the ceiling. He takes a deep breath, and I watch the muscles in his shoulders briefly tense up, then flatten out and relax. And I think about how I want him to do that again. And then about how perfect his shoulders are; strong, yet graceful. And then I look at his hair. And think about how I want to run my fingers through it.

“Come back over here, Baz,” I say.

He lowers his head and runs his fingers through his hair but doesn’t turn around. He makes a small sound, something that might be a sniffle, and I immediately stand up and make my way to him. I stop behind him and wrap my arms around his chest. He stills momentarily, but seems to relax, placing one of his hands over mine. I lean my forehead against the nape of his neck and kiss him there. And then again. And again.

“Baz,” I say, and I lean my head against his shoulder.

“You’re the reason I’m in London, Simon,” he says suddenly, and the words echo through his back. “And I don’t want to leave. I love it here.” He grips my hand, then sniffles deeply. “I love it here,” he says again. “I love it here. I love it here. I—”

“I love you,” I say. And I startle myself. Those are words that I’ve never said before. They’re foreign, yet familiar. And they feel strange, but taste good; like tapioca pudding. And Baz would kill me if he knew I thought of it like that.

I feel Baz inhale sharply, like I just punched him the chest instead. He grips my hand tighter, and I feel his tears drop onto my arm.

I bring my head up and kiss him on the back of the neck again. And again. And again.

“I love you, Baz,” I say in between a kiss. The words echo in my mouth, and they feel less strange this time. And taste even better.

He gently pushes my arms away from his chest and turns around to face me. There are a few tears on his cheek, and I wipe them away. His eyes are still heavy, but they seem to be startled. They dart across my face, from my eyes to my mouth to my cheeks and then back to my eyes. I wrap his hands in mine and tilt my head to the side.

“I…” He seems to be speechless, and I want to laugh because it’s always the other way around. I don’t though, and instead, I tuck a few loose strands of his hair behind his ear.

“Simon,” he says, staring deeply into my eyes. He lets go of one of my hands and slides his against my cheek, running his thumb along my cheekbone. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t.

“Do you want to snog?” I ask. And Baz looks at me like I’ve offended him; like I said the worst possible thing at the worst possible time. But then he tries to fight the grin that’s forming on his lips. And he fails.

“Yes,” he says, and then he kisses me.

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to the lovely Rainbow Rowell.  
> Follow me on tumblr: @carryonsimoncarryon


End file.
